Dawn M said...
Hi Ashley!I'd like to think the old views of what is a "real man" are changing. So many women are single moms (I was for 6 years a very long time ago)...that when I was raising my son alone (his father had nothing to do with him - his choice/his loss by the way!) - I wanted him to understand and appreciate things. I did everything I could to raise my son to honor respect, privacy, opinions, lots of things. I promised myself that when he eventually got married my daughter-in-law would thank me for how I raised him. I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. I met and married my husband who reinforced values I had taught him... the value of hard work, earning a paycheck, saving for the future, loving and taking care of family. He is an amazing man, loves family, works hard, serves his country (he is career-minded in the Air Force). To me he is a "real man", a role model that I know he will pass along to his own children someday.
I think maybe your pastor is looking at a very old fashioned viewpoint, I would argue that a good moral character, ability and willingness to accept responsibility, respect for others and a love of family are what dictate a "real man" AND a "real woman".
The 'real men' she is referring are the ones that have left so many single women raising children alone - and in poverty a lot of times. They are nothing to be emulated! She is only further perpetuating gender stereotypes - give her your text to read - or suggest she take a gender class! :-)
June 24, 2010 10:14 PM
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Week 6 HHMMM....maybe perception is they key
Well, I was in the doctor's office today waiting for my daughter to be finished with her appointment. The office had on HGTV and the show was about a closet and wardrobe makeover. Initially I sat there an watched it with skeptical eyes - a male designer was telling a woman how she should dress ...she recently lost 40 pounds and was still dressing in frumpy clothing. Like I said, initially I thought...hmmm...here he goes - HE is telling HER what to wear. Then I watched the show a little more intently...he wasn't telling her what she should wear, he was suggesting clothing that suited her body and age and actually was empowering her. When she perceived she looked good, she stood taller, smiled more and had more confidence. A transformation because of perception.
The next show (I was waiting a long time) was about how to stage you house for sale. Placing things more appropriately, using or not using color and decorations, etc. I watched that more intently because it was a woman designer helping women stage their homes for sale. What I saw in that show was that the women were doing the work - fixing, painting, rearranging, etc. There only was a man in the show when they needed to call in an electrician. Again, the women wanting to sell their homes became more aware of what needed to be done and that they, themselves, were capable of making those repairs and presenting their homes in a condition that people would want to buy. Again, perception changed their attitudes and that lead them to take charge of their future - and sell their homes.
Since that was this morning and I had a long drive down to work, I began to think about perception and how it can be used advantageously. I remembered the book I read called The Present (AMAZING BOOK!). It talks about living in the present, learning from the past and not making the same mistakes, and taking charge of your future. The shows I had been watching were doing just that - looking at what needed to be done right now, learning what went wrong in the past (overeating or neglect of repairs, etc.) and overcoming them (losing weight or fixing a windowsill), and creating their future (feeling empowered).
How wonderful would it be if we could look at differences (gender, cultural, etc.) and see the positives that are occurring right now, learn from the negatives of how we've let stereotypes and old fashioned ideas linger, and take positive steps (even small ones) towards creating a better future for all individuals - no strings attached. If each person in our class takes that attitude, and imparts that to 5 friends, who does the same thing, and so on....think of the change our 15 students can make in such a short amount of time!!!!! And all it takes is for each of us to make an effort to impart what we've learned already...it doesn't get much easier than this!
Thanks for an amazing class!
Dawn
The next show (I was waiting a long time) was about how to stage you house for sale. Placing things more appropriately, using or not using color and decorations, etc. I watched that more intently because it was a woman designer helping women stage their homes for sale. What I saw in that show was that the women were doing the work - fixing, painting, rearranging, etc. There only was a man in the show when they needed to call in an electrician. Again, the women wanting to sell their homes became more aware of what needed to be done and that they, themselves, were capable of making those repairs and presenting their homes in a condition that people would want to buy. Again, perception changed their attitudes and that lead them to take charge of their future - and sell their homes.
Since that was this morning and I had a long drive down to work, I began to think about perception and how it can be used advantageously. I remembered the book I read called The Present (AMAZING BOOK!). It talks about living in the present, learning from the past and not making the same mistakes, and taking charge of your future. The shows I had been watching were doing just that - looking at what needed to be done right now, learning what went wrong in the past (overeating or neglect of repairs, etc.) and overcoming them (losing weight or fixing a windowsill), and creating their future (feeling empowered).
How wonderful would it be if we could look at differences (gender, cultural, etc.) and see the positives that are occurring right now, learn from the negatives of how we've let stereotypes and old fashioned ideas linger, and take positive steps (even small ones) towards creating a better future for all individuals - no strings attached. If each person in our class takes that attitude, and imparts that to 5 friends, who does the same thing, and so on....think of the change our 15 students can make in such a short amount of time!!!!! And all it takes is for each of us to make an effort to impart what we've learned already...it doesn't get much easier than this!
Thanks for an amazing class!
Dawn
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Response to Nick Week 5
Hi Nick!
Couldn't agree more - if she had completed her attempt - she would have had a small article on page 4 or something...nothing like the media frenzy that is occurring now. Didn't her brother attempt this as well? The last article I read did mention several other teens who were successful in their attempts - did everyone but me hear about those young men and women? I doubt it...there was nothing to sensationalize by the media. Good news is boring news I guess. With the NBA finals on and the World Cup - I doubt anyone would have known anything about it if she didn't have to be rescued. I'm with you - I think this girl is amazing - at my age (48) I wouldn't even THINK of doing something like this and I'm a pretty independent person! I'm not sure I would put the Natalee Holloway story in the same light - she went there with friends on a senior celebration - and those animals had no regard for human life - one of them presumably twice now. I understand your point of the damsel in distress thing - but Natalee didn't really do anything dangerous - she was with a group of friends. My husband and I sent out daughter - at the end of her junior year in high school on a trip with her language class over to Europe - we didn't think of that as putting her at risk just like I'm sure Natalee's parents didn't. Abby's parents sound very assured of their daughter's capabilities and allowed her to try something most parents would never allow. That type of non-traditional behavior scares the ...heck... out of most people and fear spreads faster than courage. I have to give them kudos - I couldn't do it but I think its an amazing thing that Abby accomplished - I'm sure it's not the last time we'll hear about this adventurous young woman!
June 17, 2010 6:42 PM
Couldn't agree more - if she had completed her attempt - she would have had a small article on page 4 or something...nothing like the media frenzy that is occurring now. Didn't her brother attempt this as well? The last article I read did mention several other teens who were successful in their attempts - did everyone but me hear about those young men and women? I doubt it...there was nothing to sensationalize by the media. Good news is boring news I guess. With the NBA finals on and the World Cup - I doubt anyone would have known anything about it if she didn't have to be rescued. I'm with you - I think this girl is amazing - at my age (48) I wouldn't even THINK of doing something like this and I'm a pretty independent person! I'm not sure I would put the Natalee Holloway story in the same light - she went there with friends on a senior celebration - and those animals had no regard for human life - one of them presumably twice now. I understand your point of the damsel in distress thing - but Natalee didn't really do anything dangerous - she was with a group of friends. My husband and I sent out daughter - at the end of her junior year in high school on a trip with her language class over to Europe - we didn't think of that as putting her at risk just like I'm sure Natalee's parents didn't. Abby's parents sound very assured of their daughter's capabilities and allowed her to try something most parents would never allow. That type of non-traditional behavior scares the ...heck... out of most people and fear spreads faster than courage. I have to give them kudos - I couldn't do it but I think its an amazing thing that Abby accomplished - I'm sure it's not the last time we'll hear about this adventurous young woman!
June 17, 2010 6:42 PM
Response to Lauren - Week 5
Hey Lauren!I've worked in Education for nearly 20 years - I have seen a few male elementary teachers but not many. I think traditionally women are seen as more nurturing and caregiving - and having a classroom full of children is like raising 'multiples' to a degree - so I guess guys have stayed away from what has traditionally been a woman's domain with the little ones and taken a more active role with older kids (middle/high school). Maybe part of it is because guys typically aren't exposed to being around a lot of younger children - girls typically babysit for afterschool jobs, etc. Guys become more of a playmate when they have something in common with the child - usually around adolesence (can we say parallel play...). BUT, in defense of the teachers I have worked with - they were all wonderful at what they did! I think a guy who makes the decision to teach elementary school aged kids really WANTS to be there and they have something to prove too. They have to work twice as hard as a female teacher to be seen as a good teacher just because they are in a nontraditional job. Also, with all the accusations that make the newspaper about male teachers/female students - I think it's going to be harder and harder to get guys into teaching. Society automatically assumes if a girl makes an accusation that it has to be true and the male teacher (guilty or not) has to suffer and is guilty until proven innocent. Whereas for the two or three media cases of women teachers/male students - it was presumed that the guy was at fault and the woman was innocent - which we know now was not the truth (especially with the case of the teacher who has had several children at this point by a former student). I don't know what the answer is - the male teachers I've come into contact with on the elementary level deserve to be there so it tells me that there are a great number of other men out there that would make great teachers - but if I were a guy at this point - I might think twice about entering the profession or recognize that I may really feel I'm being judged - under a microscope so to speak - not just for my abilities teaching students, but for my implied morality as well.
June 17, 2010 6:30 PM
June 17, 2010 6:30 PM
Week 5
Hi Everyone! Wow, what a week! Besides, work and two graduations this week (one Tuesday night and one Friday night), I just found out a friend of mine (39 years old) has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was with her frmot he minute I got home from work last night trying to help her adjust to her life altering diagnosis and trying to help her overcome the enornous grief that occurs when you look at your children and question "what if". As a survivor myself - diagnosed at 38 (10 years now!) it got me to thinking about how we (men and women) deal with "stuff". While I was there for HOURS, my husband came with me to their home - met with her husband (who was cutting the grass) and within 15 minutes had headed back home. When I got back very late last night - I asked him if he had a chance to talk to Rick about what was going on and if he shared any insights from when we went through this. His reply - even after this course - still astounded me. He said, "Yeah, I told him that it's going to be a year of hell but I'm sure everthing will work out fine." ... and what was Rick's (the husband) response? Something along the lines of ...yea, for sure. (my husband couldn't remember his exact response) I asked if he offered any advice, he said no ... he thought if Rick needed to know anything he'll ask.
Now, I know from when I was diagnosed and the following surgeries and chemotherapy and side effects, as well as the emotional aspect of having small children that need their continued attention, my husband has many important tidbits of advice he could offer Rick, our situations are extremely similar. Why does society, even in extreme circumstances restrict the conversations men can have? Why isn't OK for my husband to tell Rick that it's normal to be terrified? Why can't he let him know that as a loving and supportive husband can go to the chemo appointments and hold Barb's hand while she gets her hour plus long treatment? Why with all the helpful information my husband knows about this very difficult subject isn't it OK for him to offer unsolicited advice. It's not like Rick is going to come over and ask - so it's the rock and the hard place scenario - Rick won't ask and my husband won't offer. It's really sad.
In the meantime, I sat with Barb as she sobbed worrying about so many things - so many things that weren't about her - that she won't see her children graduate from high school let alone college or get married and have babies. She's embarrassed that she's going to be bald (I was too initially), she's afraid of her body being disfigured by a mastectomy and why would her husband ever want any intimacy after the surgery. We talked about so many things. I held her hand and we both cried. I offered to cook and deliver her meals, to take her to doctors appointments, and promised her I would support her through this. It was a warm and compassionate exchange as I tried to and will continue to try to help her get through this period in her life.
But ... who will help her husband if our society doesn't allow them to reach out to other guys (with similar experiences) for help. He'll end up making the same mistakes my husband made that could make Barb's life so much easier - she's got enough on her plate right now than for me to tell her how to tell him how to help her (get that?) - why do I feel it's my job now to go over and have a talk with Rick? I guess my frustration is...why do I have to do this - I can't relate to a guy's perspective, I don't know what he's worry about - it's not like he's going to "share" his feelings with me! We all know how this conversation will go... "How you doin with all this Rick?" "OK I guess" "well, she's going to need a lot of support,- let me know if you she or the kids need anything and you know I'm there". "Yeah, I know, thanks" ......
Maybe I'm just angry at the fates for giving this dreaded disease to my young friend. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of being female and having to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and feel like I have to "fix" everything to make it harmoneous. Why can't society let the guys help out? let go of that male pride or emotional isolation or whatever you want to call it - enough is enough already - AAAHHH!
Now, I know from when I was diagnosed and the following surgeries and chemotherapy and side effects, as well as the emotional aspect of having small children that need their continued attention, my husband has many important tidbits of advice he could offer Rick, our situations are extremely similar. Why does society, even in extreme circumstances restrict the conversations men can have? Why isn't OK for my husband to tell Rick that it's normal to be terrified? Why can't he let him know that as a loving and supportive husband can go to the chemo appointments and hold Barb's hand while she gets her hour plus long treatment? Why with all the helpful information my husband knows about this very difficult subject isn't it OK for him to offer unsolicited advice. It's not like Rick is going to come over and ask - so it's the rock and the hard place scenario - Rick won't ask and my husband won't offer. It's really sad.
In the meantime, I sat with Barb as she sobbed worrying about so many things - so many things that weren't about her - that she won't see her children graduate from high school let alone college or get married and have babies. She's embarrassed that she's going to be bald (I was too initially), she's afraid of her body being disfigured by a mastectomy and why would her husband ever want any intimacy after the surgery. We talked about so many things. I held her hand and we both cried. I offered to cook and deliver her meals, to take her to doctors appointments, and promised her I would support her through this. It was a warm and compassionate exchange as I tried to and will continue to try to help her get through this period in her life.
But ... who will help her husband if our society doesn't allow them to reach out to other guys (with similar experiences) for help. He'll end up making the same mistakes my husband made that could make Barb's life so much easier - she's got enough on her plate right now than for me to tell her how to tell him how to help her (get that?) - why do I feel it's my job now to go over and have a talk with Rick? I guess my frustration is...why do I have to do this - I can't relate to a guy's perspective, I don't know what he's worry about - it's not like he's going to "share" his feelings with me! We all know how this conversation will go... "How you doin with all this Rick?" "OK I guess" "well, she's going to need a lot of support,- let me know if you she or the kids need anything and you know I'm there". "Yeah, I know, thanks" ......
Maybe I'm just angry at the fates for giving this dreaded disease to my young friend. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of being female and having to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and feel like I have to "fix" everything to make it harmoneous. Why can't society let the guys help out? let go of that male pride or emotional isolation or whatever you want to call it - enough is enough already - AAAHHH!
Friday, June 11, 2010
week 4 response to Michelle
Dawn M said...
Hi Michelle!I think part of the problem regarding the male dancer is that as a culture we typically don't associate dancing as a male oriented activity. We are taught to think that little girls go to dance class while little boys play baseball. Having danced for over 10 years, I never once had a male in my classes. However, I have seen many professional ballets and would pit a male ballet dancer's strength and stamina up against any professional athlete. There's also the show about the dance groups - I don't recall the name of the show - but I have never hear anyone question if any of the break dancing, hip hop, acrobatic talented dancers on that show are gay. I doubt that anyone has questioned whether any of the male professionals on Dancing with the Stars are gay. I agree, there are still many double standards with regards to what is considered a girl activity and a boy activity - and while the girls may cross over into the boy realm (sports teams, camping, hiking, riding motorcycles) rarely do we accept boys crossing over into girls territory without questioning their masculinity. Culturally we see dancers (especially ballet dancers) as if they are supposed to be feminine and lilting, but I bet Mikhail Baryshnikov could kick anyone's butt! And I doubt, when he conceived his daughter with actress Jessica Lange that anyone questioned his sexuality!
June 11, 2010 2:21 PM
Hi Michelle!I think part of the problem regarding the male dancer is that as a culture we typically don't associate dancing as a male oriented activity. We are taught to think that little girls go to dance class while little boys play baseball. Having danced for over 10 years, I never once had a male in my classes. However, I have seen many professional ballets and would pit a male ballet dancer's strength and stamina up against any professional athlete. There's also the show about the dance groups - I don't recall the name of the show - but I have never hear anyone question if any of the break dancing, hip hop, acrobatic talented dancers on that show are gay. I doubt that anyone has questioned whether any of the male professionals on Dancing with the Stars are gay. I agree, there are still many double standards with regards to what is considered a girl activity and a boy activity - and while the girls may cross over into the boy realm (sports teams, camping, hiking, riding motorcycles) rarely do we accept boys crossing over into girls territory without questioning their masculinity. Culturally we see dancers (especially ballet dancers) as if they are supposed to be feminine and lilting, but I bet Mikhail Baryshnikov could kick anyone's butt! And I doubt, when he conceived his daughter with actress Jessica Lange that anyone questioned his sexuality!
June 11, 2010 2:21 PM
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Week 4 Eureka moment
I was sitting last night reading my homework and reviewing posts that were on the Discussion Board while my daughter was watching some reality tv show. It's no wonder our society is so screwed up! This show (I think it was called Bridal Bootcamp), was ridiculous! There were maybe 10 or 12 women that signed up to go away to a bootcamp style weight loss camp. They are all about-to-be brides that wanted to lose weight to be able to get down to a smaller dress size specifically for their wedding dress! Not that they wanted to get healthy, not that they wanted to lose weight, but so they could fit into a dress. The winner of the show apparently gets her "dream wedding" as the prize. While the pretense of getting fit is a wonderful idea, it was clearly apparent that these women -by virtue of their candid conversations, were only doing this to fit into a wedding gown! It really bothered me. Has society really ingrained in our psyche that we have to look like Cinderella (a CARTOON character!) in order to be beautiful on our wedding day? Why isn't there a show for men to go away to bootcamp to look better in their tuxedos? This show portrayed these women as self indulgent but willing to sacrifice, catty but supportive, competitive but submissive, angry and bullheaded but also soft and tearful. My goodness - it makes women look like schitzophrenics - all for the chance to win a dream wedding! Obviously, you probably guessed my wedding was relatively simple - outdoors in the fall, comfy casual dress, we had a wonderful time - no formality, no fuss. My daughter, thankfully, agrees with me that the show is ridiculous and these women give women a bad name. We started talking about all the reality shows out there and she doesn't know of any that essentially show men that aren't parallel playing in their version of reality - fishing shows, hunting shows, sports, etc. covered in fishing gear, camoflage or whatever. Why a woman's idea of reality is all about getting down to a size 6 for their wedding day is beyond my personal comprehension but it clearly shows how culture has forced women to believe in and want the fairy tale that Disney has spun for us. As I sat there with my daughter (who is 20) laughing at how ridiculous these women were and talking about her own idea of a fabulous wedding (a summer barbeque in a park), I was grateful I didn't buy into the fairy tale images growing up (I ws the one out hunting and fishing with my dad and brother and uncles/cousins) and that I conveyed that gender-less culture to my children! Now that my kids are grown, I'm working on a much younger generation - my great niece - her 1st birthday is in a few weeks - she's getting a bubble mower from us! It's a great outdoor, fun, loud, messy, obnoxious toy that only comes in primary colors!!! I know she's going to love it! :-)
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